In loving memory

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. To be honest, I haven’t been feeling very inspired. Not at all. Not even a little. It’s been a rather tempestuous month here in my little world & I’ve been feeling rather introspective.

On June 22nd, I suddenly lost someone who was an huge part of my life, my Uncle Steve. I know I usually post my photographs on this blog, but I am feeling the need to write, to write about my beloved uncle and remember him. I wish anyone who read this had the chance to know him, for he was an awesome, awesome soul.

He was someone who I looked up to, who made me laugh, who always had mischief twinkling in his eyes. He was the center of my family with my Aunt Paula, with me & all of my cousins buzzing around their kitchen table for a visit. I think he and my aunt are the reason we have one of those rare families who are close and enjoy each others company, who hang out on a regular basis even though we are all adults now. I think this was his legacy to all of us – that we all hold our family so dear and close.

He’s the reason I try so hard to be an awesome mom to Conno and Aunt to Nay, Jude and Hannah. These kiddos are my world, and I have to say I had the best example in the world in my Uncle Steve and Aunt Paula. I used to wish that they were my parents when I was little (no offense, mom & dad!) because they always were just so COOL ! I loved going to their house, loved hanging out with them. I still do !

I have so many happy memories of my uncle. When I walk in the door of thier house, I can still hear him saying “Hallo Honey ! How are you today ?” in his stacatto, chipper, happy-to-see-me voice. A huge smile on his face, a big hug and kiss ready for me. And then, without fail, I can hear him yelling at Jada to shut up because she’s a maniac barker whenever anyone arrives. I can still see him sitting in his chair at the kitchen table, smiling at me, listening patiently to my stories of life, giving advice, teasing me or providing an honest opinion. My uncle Steve was a most excellent listener.

Most of all I remember Christmas Eve’s at thier house. The entire family together, happy, talking, playing games and enjoying each other. I’m going to miss that so much.

What I see in my head is his smile, he had the best smile in the universe. He was just so warm a person. When I think of him, I think of the sunshine, I hear beach boys songs in my head (like I remember hearing when I was little … “Wouldn’t it be Nice” has always reminded me of him since before I can remember, not sure why, but it has) and I probably also think of the sunshine and not only because he was known for always being quite bronze (lol).

My Uncle Steve and Aunt Paula had been together since they were 14 years old. I think that they probably loved one another more on the day he died than on the day they got married. He was always calling her “My love” and telling her he loved her. They are probably the reason I’ve never settled for any man because the bar is set so high … and when I look at thier marriage, I see such true love. I want that love someday. My heart breaks for my Aunt, whom I love just as much. I pray that she will get through this grief and lean on all of the awesome memories and the knowledge that she was my Uncle’s sun, moon and stars.

I write this blog post in tribute to my uncle. He was like a father to me. He was a shining example of love in my life. He was an amazing man and his oldest niece will miss him more than I can possibly explain in a mere blog post. I can’t seem to find the words that will do him justice. I feel so lucky to have known him, to be one of the ones he loved most. I don’t know why he was taken from us so suddenly, it isn’t fair. I wish we had more time, just one more day. I will try to live my life in a way that will make him proud.

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