I think I am in desperate need of a vacation, a change of scenery, a new place to explore to recharge my batteries. I dream of just getting in my car and driving somewhere, anywhere… of hopping on a plane bound for a quiet beach where I can read, relax and contemplate the state of my life, my mind, my heart (all of which have been battered and bruised a bit these past few months, to put it lightly). It scares me a bit to go it alone … what if I come back more melancholy than I already am ? I am most definitely not good company these days.
I’ve been kind of introspective lately. Ok. Lies. VERY introspective. This frame of mind is completely not the norm for my bubbly, social butterfly self. I normally love being around people, sharing my thoughts and ideas, laughing and reminiscing. Lately, I find myself detached, even in a crowd of close friends. It’s not that I don’t love them, it’s just that I’m finding it hard to be transparent and sharing of myself. I’m being a horrible friend lately, but I just can’t help it. I don’t really feel like sharing.
I have a four day weekend which begins tomorrow. I was supposed to go to NYC, and that isn’t happening. I could still go. Normally I would still go, I adore NYC … but it just seems so … noisy. I definitely do not need to add to the noise already going on in my busy brain.
So maybe I will wake up tomorrow morning, get in my car and drive somewhere. A beach. A lake. A mountain. A spa. I wish I could go on a weekend yoga retreat b/c that seems to be my only saving grace lately, my only way to focus my thoughts. Immersing myself in yoga practice for days would just be … lovely.
I have so many obligations this weekend – a get together in the evening for a good friend who’s in town, a 45th anniversary party for one of my bestie’s parents, church on Sunday, School shopping for Con, editing photos which I need to finish up for a client … the list always goes on.
I’m so tired of that list. I’m just so tired period.